What to do if someone you know is self harming...
What do you do if someone you know is self-harming?
I dealt with the self harm of myself and the people I love for several years, and I can tell you this question never gets easier to answer. Even when I was self harming, I wouldn’t be able to tell you what I needed to hear.
But, based on my experiences, this is what I do.
1) Do not freak out on the person. You are scared, that is understandable, but so are they. Instead, listen to the person, do not make any assumptions, listen to understand not respond.
2) Do not assume they are suicidal. Self harm does not always indicate a sign of possible suicide, but instead its a coping skill. Yes, I do agree it is not the best one, but the person is doing what they can so that they can manage what they are going through. Instead, ask. Ask if they are suicidal, they may tell you, they may not, it doesn’t hurt to ask.
3) Never do something on their behalf, with the thought that you are helping. Unless its calling 911 or a trusted adult because something went terribly wrong and they need medical assistance. Why? Because if they’re going to stop self harming, which is again a coping skill, they need to have replaced it with a healthier habit, quiting something like self harm is hard. Its addictive. Going cold turkey, especially if it was forced and unwanted, might make the situation even worse. The best thing you can do is be there for them and help take care of them and make sure their wounds are being taken care of. Infections can happen.
4) Suggest help, do not force it. Remember the best thing you can do is remind them that you are there. Not just once either, constant reminders. A lot can happen in a day, a lot can happen in an hour. The brain is a wonderful, but also a very dangerous place to live. We can convince ourselves of anything, especially if it means convincing ourselves that we have no support system. Remind them that they do.
5) Remember self harm is a coping skill. An unhealthy coping skill but its a sign that they’re trying to get control back of their life. Providing resources and suggesting help might not seem like a lot. But sometimes, we can’t do it for ourselves and what you’re doing is actually very helpful.
This is all based on my own experience.
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